You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
