My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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