How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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