Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
