the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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