Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
