I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
