I think I am morally bankrupt
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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