honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
