That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
