I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
vagina is talking i cant
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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