Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
