It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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