So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
