I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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