garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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