Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize