I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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