so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
