There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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