god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
