i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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