btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
