so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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