Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
