I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
