What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
