PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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