New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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