Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
