Kiss
Puke
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
