YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
