True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize