oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
