giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
