Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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