I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
