Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
