He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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