Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Randomize
