Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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