The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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