I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize