a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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