I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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