Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
