I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
