every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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