I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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