The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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