Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
