Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
