i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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