My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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