So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
