I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is Oprah even human
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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