I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
