So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
