Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
