cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
