giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
