my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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