in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
