I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I supernannyed him into submission
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
