Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
