you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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