my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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