Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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