Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
