i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
