Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize