Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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