I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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