I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
