Nicole vs. Life
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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