Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
