I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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