dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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