Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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