I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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