I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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