At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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