The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
