I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This baby is an asshole
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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