You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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