I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
