her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize