This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
