Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
