Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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