he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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